“We must say “no” to what, in our heart, we don’t want. We must say “no” to doing things out of obligation, thereby cheating those important to us of the purest expression of our love. We must say “no” to treating ourselves, our health, our needs as not as important as someone else’s. We must say “no.” Suzette R. Hinton
In your journey to become the women you want to be, your authentic self, you need to learn to say no to anything that is not in alignment with the woman you want to be. Saying no can be difficult for us – I know!
When I first started Asian Women MEAN Business, I was saying “yes” to everything—side projects, events, business ideas, meetings for coffees, calls that lasted way longer than they should. I didn’t have the self-awareness or self-confidence to say “no”.
After being a “yes-woman” for 18 months, I became incredibly overwhelmed and literally made myself sick with stress. That type of situation can only go on for so long. When illness led me to taking a sabbatical from AWMB I took the time to really reflect on the experience and what I had learnt.
My desire to keep saying yes came from two reasons which I think you might relate to:
- I might miss out on an opportunity.
The worry that I would miss out on something led me to take on everything. But I realised that I was operating from a scarcity mindset, when you consider decisions from a place of abundance, you think about how an opportunity will fit into the season of your life. You consider that it might be a good option, but you know there will be plenty more opportunities if you turn this one down. What is meant for you will not pass you. With my young family my absolute priority right now, I have said no to many things which will undoubtedly have increased my profile and income but I have done so at peace knowing that there will be other opportunities when the time in right.
- I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings
As a recovering people pleaser I used to find it so hard to say no because I didn’t want to hurt or offend the person asking. But I realised that by saying yes to others I was saying no to myself! I have now realised there are a few positive ways you can use to say “No” without hurting someone’s feelings. You can be polite whilst respecting your own needs at the same time! Here is my tip for you: I usually sandwich my refusal between two positive statements:
“Thank you so much for thinking of me, your project sounds incredible! Unfortunately, I have my hands full with other commitments so have to decline. I’m honoured that you asked and I wish you every success.”
It works every time!
There is an art to saying no and it’s absolutely possible to say it in an elegant way that honours you and the dignity of those asking. Saying “No” is a skill that has to be developed over time. It can be scary to put your own wants and needs before those of someone else. However, it gets easier with time. Try it this week, say no to someone or something that you know is not right for you – let me know how you get on!