“Never, never be afraid to do what’s right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society’s punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way.” Dr Martin Luther King
Last week I shared about the time I ignored my intuition. I was offered my dream job and despite the red flags I took the role. Very quickly I realised I had made mistake. The Director I was partnered with was condescending, rude and it was when he asked me that question that I knew I was in for a bumpy ride.
“Where are you from?” he queried. “Surrey Via Wolverhampton” I replied. “No, where are you reallyfrom?”. I flushed and mumbled something abut my parents being from India but I was born in the UK. “That explains your excellent English then” was the response.
Meh. This again. I have been asked this question for over 30 years I am done answering it.
It’s often considered to be an inadequate response if an ethnic minority person say they’re from the UK. That subsequent question follows: “But where are you really from?!”
When people interrogate you on your heritage, the implicit message is that you don’t belong, you’re not British. Probing my background leaves me and many like me feeling like an “other” in the country we were born and raised in.
Professor Handel Wright says the question may not be intended to alienate a person, but it can make people feel like they don’t belong: “The question seems to demand that you account for yourself. It places you outside the nation somehow, and that places the questioner within the nation, and that’s why the question is really problematic.”
Following the death of George Floyd, we are engaging in real conversations about race, justice, diversity, equality, and inclusion. And I hope you’re thinking about your part in all of this, too. Maybe at your work or in your friendship groups or among family, you’re having difficult discussions about the instances of racism that you’ve seen or felt. Or as the conversation expands to colourism, and how the South Asian community can be anti black we also consider our roles in being complicit in racism.
Ethnic minority women have had to deal with both gender and racial discrimination all our lives. To us, the current discussion is nothing new; it is our everyday experience, often only discussed when amongst the safety of friends and family.
In the Inspire Club we are exploring “Race, Diversity and Unconscious Bias” this month.This comes as a few members shared their experiences in their workplace and how they felt that they have been treated in a different manner due to their race.
I have since learned that the Managing Director I was partnered with would engage in what is known as microaggressions that I can see were down to my race and sex, it destroyed my confidence. Micorgressions occur when people’s biases against marginalised groups reveal themselves in a way that leaves the victims feeling uncomfortable or insulted.
Microaggressions are more than just insults, insensitive comments, or general inappropriate behaviour.
They’re something very specific: the kinds of remarks, questions, or actions that are painful because they have to do with a person’s belonging in a group that’s discriminated against or subject to stereotypes. And a key part of what makes them so disconcerting is that they happen casually and frequently in everyday life.
It really was a painful chapter in my life – I left after a few months and promised myself never to tolerate such a situation again. If you are experiencing something similar do speak up, contact your HR team or a Trade Union. If you see someone experience this – offer them your support, be an ally for them, point them in the right direction.
This is a great article on why and how to respond to microaggressions.