“Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.” C.G. Jung
This quote takes my breath away. It makes me pause, ponder and reflect deeply, consciously. As a mother I know well the agony of being torn between my love and joy for my children, and my need to hang onto a sense of my self. I see this in other women too.
There are many reasons we live an unfulfilled life. Often we stop pursuing our potential and dreams of an epic life in the struggles of everyday life, sometimes we end up moving along a path that slowly and steadily takes us further away from our purpose, so slowly we don’t even realise it’s happening! I see others who are unwilling to step into the unknown, afraid to take the necessary risks that life may demand in order to reward us with what we truly desire.
After parenthood many women stop pursuing their own development in order to cater to their children’s lives. But, as Jung says the abandonment of a parent’s fulfilment in life has a negative effect on our children.
In our community it is very common to see mother’s putting aside their own ambitions, dreams, and creativity, in order to pursue those of her children, we consider that to be honourable. However, I think we should consider that parents who have not themselves set out to achieve their own life’s highest aims cannot easily guide their children to achieve theirs.
I am very conscious that as a mum, I want to show my children me pursuing my passion and joy, otherwise I am basically teaching them that nurturing their dreams must end when they one day will have kids!
Jung was specifically referring to when parents live an unfulfilled life they often live through their children, pushing their child to fulfil the dreams the parents hold that have not been fulfilled, rather than encourage their children to have dreams of their own! I see this a lot in our community too.
The whole idea of becoming completely embroiled in conceiving, planning, and then pursuing “an ideal path” for our child, which comes from the parents’ life and understanding of life feels so peculiar to me.
It is not in harmony with Life’s free-flowing energies. Kahlil Gibran, states it best:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
Focussing on your dreams and aspirations is the best role modelling you can give the next generation. When they see you being guided by your passions and purpose it will inspire them to do the same!
Do something this week for you – let me know what it is!