“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Bene Brown
Do you have the courage to love yourself and set the boundaries you need?
I am passionate about this because for years I didn’t, and wondered why I was constantly exhausted, frustrated & starting to feel resentful.
I didn’t really understand what boundaries were or why I needed them.
My severe lack of boundaries allowed me to give away my energy, time, power, and love to others, leaving virtually nothing for myself. Creating healthy boundaries means that you take responsibility for yourself, your time, your feelings and your energy. They are VITAL!
Boundaries serve two main functions:
- They tell others how you want to be treated (whats okay and whats not okay). Boundaries protect you from being mistreated.
- They create a healthy separation (physical and emotional) between you and others. Boundaries allow you to have your own personal space and privacy, your own feelings, thoughts, needs, and ideas. They allow you to be yourself rather than an extension of someone else or who someone else wants you to be.
5 Tips for Setting Boundaries (Without Feeling Guilty)
- Get real with yourself. Do you find yourself constantly burnt out — from work or your social life? Are you always feeling overwhelmed? Is saying “yes” your default? Are you scared to tell people “no”? Ask yourself these questions and reflect on what boundaries you need to implement.
- Boundaries are for your own wellbeing, not to control others. Boundaries protect you from being taken advantage of, overcommitting, overworking, feeling overwhelmed, and physical and emotional abuse or harm. They should never be an attempt to control or punish others.
- Be clear about what you want. Before you set a boundary, it helps to get really specific about what you want and why its important. This will help you communicate your needs with clarity and stay the course when it gets tough. You may find it helpful to write down exactly what you want and why.
- Expect resistance and don’t let it deter you. When you start setting boundaries, some people will respond with resistance and defensive behaviour. This is common if they’re usually the people who have been benefiting from your lack of boundaries, so they don’t want you to change. Some people may just need time to adjust to your new standards. While others will use anger to try to manipulate and coerce you away from setting boundaries. You can not be responsible for how others react to your boundaries. You dont have to make them feel better or take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. You are only responsible for your own feelings and actions.
- Listen to your intuition. Our gut instinct is usually right. You know the difference between excitement and dread. Use that instinct to help you make decisions. Don’t feel like you need to say yes to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
Remember that you are in control of your choices and your life. Don’t let other people dictate this for you. Set healthy boundaries and give yourself permission to do less people-pleasing.