The Disease to Please is a term that many of us have come across during our lives. The “disease to please”, or people pleasing, is a reality many of us face in our daily lives. People pleasers are those who feel an overriding need to satisfy others before their own needs, often sacrificing their own comfort or happiness. People pleasing can be an emotionally taxing behaviour, and can lead to feelings of guilt and insecurity as well as physical and mental fatigues.
It’s a common affliction amongst the people in our society, especially those of us that are striving to be perfect. It’s an insidious condition that affects us emotionally, mentally and physically.
The Disease to Please is a phenomenon that’s rooted deeply in our human nature. People pleasers often find themselves saying “yes” even when they are inwardly screaming “no”. They fear the disapproval, disappointment, or abandonment of others and so they take on tasks that they do not want to, or cannot do, in order to avoid conflict and possible rejection. People pleasers also may not want to hurt other people’s feelings or make them feel bad. Unfortunately, this can lead to a lack of assertiveness in other areas of their life as well.
When we feel like we have to live up to expectations set by others, we sometimes sacrifice our own wants and needs in order to keep those around us happy. We put aside our own opinion and instead conform to whatever is the accepted view. This ultimately leads to feelings of unhappiness and worthlessness.
Of course, there are times when it is nice to do something for someone out of the kindness of your heart and that can be very rewarding. However, when you start to feel resentful or when your own needs are consistently overlooked due to your need to be liked and accepted by others, it is time to take a step back and reassess your behaviour.
The main thing to remember is that no one can live up to the impossible standards that society has set for us.
Every person is unique and by using our own strengths and weaknesses, we can forge our own paths. We don’t have to rely on other people’s opinions and should instead create our own values which we feel comfortable living by.
The Disease to Please can manifest itself in many different ways, from succumbing to the expectations of others, neglecting our own opinions or growing a need for constant approval from other people.
One way to start recognizing when you are succumbing to the “disease to please” is to become aware of your automatic responses. You can start by asking yourself questions such as; “am I really okay with doing this?”, or “does this make me happy?” It can also be helpful to practice saying “no” and not feeling guilty when you do so. Setting boundaries will take time and practice but is a great way to start gaining control of the disease to please.
Finally, remember that you are worthy of being treated with respect and kindness. People pleasing can be a hard habit to break but if you take things one step at a time and practice saying “no” when appropriate, you will be able to restore balance in your life and be true to yourself.
It’s important to take breaks from this cycle and do something for yourself, find what makes you feel happy and fulfilled and create moments that focus on yourself. Whether it’s getting a massage or going for a walk, these moments draw away our attention from the external expectations and helps to fill us with joy.
The Disease to Please can be difficult to overcome but this doesn’t mean it’s not possible, take the time to appreciate yourself and all the beautiful qualities that make you unique.
Remember, don’t succumb to the pressures of others, embrace the freedom of being yourself! Reaffirm your self-worth and find joy in the simple moments.