We all have experienced it: that voice inside our head comparing ourselves to others.
We look around and compare our successes, our relationships, our possessions, and our looks with that of our peers. We get caught in the comparison trap, letting the fear of not measuring up to our peers drive our decisions and hamper our happiness.
Comparison is a natural human inclination, and it’s a trap that is easy to fall into. We look at people around us and make comparisons.
We think if “they” have x and we don’t, that means we’re less than them. We forget that everyone’s journey and wants are different, and so are life circumstances. We strive to achieve what we think will make us appear successful or desirable to others. We’re judging ourselves against a yardstick of success that isn’t even our own.
What many of us fail to see is that comparing ourselves to others leads only to discontentment. We become so focused on what we don’t have, instead of cherishing what we do have. And, in the process, we risk missing out on life’s joys and pleasures. To fall into the comparison trap is to forget what matters most: who we are and what we have.
Comparison is rooted in our desire for approval. We want to be liked and accepted by our peers, so we constantly compare ourselves to them in order to measure our progress, or lack thereof, in relation to them. We use our successes and shortcomings to measure ours against theirs, often leading us to feel discouraged and inadequate, as if we are unimportant and don’t measure up.
The only way to break free from this trap is to focus on ourselves – to recognise what sets us apart from others, like our talents and values.
Unfortunately, comparison can lead to a number of negative and harmful consequences. It can decrease our self-confidence, make us feel jealous, or cause us to become overly competitive with others. It can also lead us to focus too heavily on other people’s lives and accomplishments instead of developing our own sense of our own worth. As a result, it can be easy to become fixated on attaining the same level of success as others, or conversely, it can make us feel even more inadequate or hopeless if they seem farther out of reach. Instead, we should focus on telling our own story and developing our own unique passions, skills and goals. If we spend our energy building ourselves up, it creates self-empowerment, gratification and ambition – instead of a sense of inferiority.
We should celebrate the accomplishments and successes of others without letting it come at the expense of our own feelings of worth. Comparison is only useful if it gives us the motivation to become the best version of ourselves. Recognising that everyone is on their own journey and has their own set of struggles. Reminding yourself that the only things that matter are your own personal growth and development; what others are doing should be irrelevant. Additionally, practice self-care and prioritise caring for yourself before attempting to measure up to someone else’s standards.
The comparison trap can be one of the most dangerous pitfalls of life, as it can leave us feeling discouraged and insignificant if we allow it to take over. If you find yourself in this situation, remember these tips: instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own journey and prioritise caring for yourself. Ultimately your own progress and happiness are all that should matter, not those of others.
The only real comparison is how far we have come, or will go in our own journey. As long as we can find joy and appreciation in our own path, then there’s no need to compare ourselves to anyone else.