From Dark to Light By Kiran Kaur Kondal

Do you have a best friend? Someone you can talk to? Tell everything to? Someone who seems to be there all the time? You may not see them all the time? You may not see them at all in fact? You can feel their presence around you but you are not always sure if they are with you? You can have the longest cry sessions, the happiest of laughter and the most amount of peace with? 

Would you say that your creator, guru, god is your best friend? I say yes! Yes they are.

This year has been all sorts of crazy. This year has felt like one big thing to the next, balancing between one foot on the accelerator to the other on the brake. And honestly, I don’t think I’ve stopped to truly appreciate each moment. 

I’m stopping now, to be thankful, to be grateful, to be humbled that ‘me’ a nothingness was born in the house of Nanak. Oh my love, how do I ever begin to sit and be grateful for your gifts you have blessed me with. 

During my climb to Kilimanjaro, I realised that you truly are with me my beloved.  Before we left, I wrote in a previous blog…

“I truly believe that Guru Nanak will walk with us all. They will be with us, they will be our strength when we are weak, our shoulder when we need to cry, our warmth when it is cold, our home when we feel lost, our family when we feel lonely, and the voice we can hear when we pray.”

You made sure that at each obstacle, be it altitude, sickness, lack of self confidence, fear of failure, the realisation of EGO and so much more…but through it all, it was always YOU. Just you. Never Me. Always you.

GuruSahib, at many points, dressed in the best high tech gear, with technical socks, and seriously good hiking boots, I pondered on the 5 Udasis you had completed and the struggle I was facing in this mere mountain. You are benevolent, omnipresent, knower of all things in each of your children.

You knew that it was me who lost my way and you knew it would only be me that would find my way. This path would never have been found if you had not brought me to my knees the way you did. Maybe I was a modern day Sajjan Thug, and if you had not appeared to rid me of my illness then maybe I would not have achieved what I had set out to. I have sat conflicted in so many feelings, but what I have known is that, YOU LOVE ME.  

ਉਜਲੁ ਕੈਹਾ ਚਿਲਕਣਾ ਘੋਟਿਮ ਕਾਲੜੀ ਮਸੁ ॥

Oujal Kaihaa Chilakanaa Ghottim Kaalarree Mas ||

Bronze is bright and shiny, but when it is rubbed, its blackness appears.

ਧੋਤਿਆ ਜੂਠਿ ਨ ਉਤਰੈ ਜੇ ਸਉ ਧੋਵਾ ਤਿਸੁ ॥੧॥

Dhhothiaa Jooth N Outharai Jae So Dhhovaa This ||1||

Washing it, its impurity is not removed, even if it is washed a hundred times. ||1||

ਸਜਣ ਸੇਈ ਨਾਲਿ ਮੈ ਚਲਦਿਆ ਨਾਲਿ ਚਲੰਨ੍ਹ੍ਹਿ ॥

Sajan Saeee Naal Mai Chaladhiaa Naal Chalannih ||

They alone are my friends, who travel along with me;

ਜਿਥੈ ਲੇਖਾ ਮੰਗੀਐ ਤਿਥੈ ਖੜੇ ਦਿਸੰਨਿ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Jithhai Laekhaa Mangeeai Thithhai Kharrae Dhisann ||1|| Rehaao ||

And in that place, where the accounts are called for, they appear standing with me. ||1||Pause||

~ Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Guru Nanak Dev Ji, Raag Suhi, Ang 729

You saved me, when I sat and cried with shame, with embarrassment that this journey may very well be coming to an end for me, you gave me your hand and lifted me up. You saved my sangi saathis (companion and associates) who walked with me. You were the light when all was darkness. You are my GURU. 

Gurusahib, I will never be worthy, but you saved me and have shown me that maybe, just maybe this is not the end and there is more to this journey than I am able to decipher.

Guru Nanak 

My Best Friend