Why Pride Month Is Necessary By Bhavna Raithatha

It’s Been Thirty Years Since I Got Engaged To The Most Handsome Man Alive.

That young 19 year old in the first picture was so in love. It had happened just like the fairy tales. Love at first sight, we met in the uni canteen in the first term and the rest was history.

We had to fight much prejudice, his parents didn’t want an Indian daughter in law, my parents weren’t too keen on an English-Italian son in law. We were jeered at on the street, young white men challenging my beloved about not being able to find a white girl. Asian people looked at me with disgust, I was called a whore.

We were 19 year old babies, both the eldest, both having raised our younger siblings. So much responsibility at such a young age. Meeting each other had been a life saver us. We could rely on each other for support. We SAW each other and loved each other like I never imagined possible.

We lavished each other with exquisite gifts, with our love and attention. We put each other first. Always and in all ways, despite incredible pressure from our families to go back to our roles as carers! Today, we’d be the poster children for the Five Love Languages! We did it all. Purposely.

For thirteen years, we dated each other despite being married. He would text me and ask if I’d go out with him, I always said yes. We’d come home and get ready with such excitement and go to our favourite restaurants. 

I couldn’t imagine being without him. Ever.

But, there came a time when I couldn’t hide it any more.

I was gay. I had fought it most of my life. I knew I was different at 8. I had struggled with my sexuality at school with teachers who were terrified of anything that deviated from the heterosexual norm. I was so depressed, I wanted to die and there was NO ONE I could turn to.

Eighteen years ago, after 2 years of therapy I finally told the love of my life that I was gay. His answer? ‘I know.’ I’m not sure what traumatised me more, telling him or of him having known. How??

We tried to work through it in our innocence. But you can’t change who you ARE. I’d dedicated my life to him, to us. I dreamt of eating chips on South End pier in our later years (clearly I hadn’t traveled much!) I couldn’t imagine being with another human being and yet I couldn’t be with the one I loved more than life itself.

We eventually separated, going through deep grief, there are still days now that cripple me with sorrow to have hurt him. But the only option was to leave and give him his life back to find someone else and be happy. He did remarry and has kids I believe. He cut off all contact and I don’t blame him. He also took our Chow Chow that was our furbaby.

I lost so much to be true to myself, and sadly the women I’ve met have been the greatest source of heartache and disappointment.

I’ve come through it all. Standing in my truth and power. I made it. Mostly alone. I’ve had a few good people who have loved me in those cripplingly lonely years.

This is why #PRIDEMONTH is NECESSARY 🏳️‍🌈

Bhavna Raithatha is an International Psychotherapist, Coach & Clinical Supervisor, DEI + LGBTQ Speaker, Trainer, Expert Media Guest, Writer, Columnist, Webinar Panelist, Corporate Trainer. You can connect with her on Linkedin.